“I am not young enough to know everything”

Yeah, I thought I was done over here, but it turns out I just can’t stay away. I’ve been having some issues here lately, and I don’t know why I actually started caring about what people say. That’s never been me, and it isn’t me now. So, regardless of what happened in the past, I’ve decided to fuggedaboutit. I went back and was reading some of my older blogs (yeah, I’ve been doing this over a year now… crazy) and I was once just a fun-loving girl about the town, worried mainly about Keg Stands and Cowboy Hats. I need to get back to that place.

So here are a few conclusions that I have reached this morning:

1. There will always be haters. Their job is to hate. I should let them do their job. So, in the words of Katt Williams: “Feel free to hate on me! Say my hair ain’t luxurious when you know it is, bitches.”

2. Beer is a lot better at 7am. Since I’ve been working night shift, 7am has become like, 9pm to me or something. Shane and I are going on a drinking kick. He started it with margaritas, and I jumped on the bandwagon. Don’t worry…. we aren’t drinking while Becca is awake…. we don’t get drunk and beat her… well… sometimes we get drunk and beat her… but she likes it. Whatever. Point being: drink more beers.

3. I’m OBSESSED with two things. I want to go to Belize, and I want to move to Mesquite. A friend of mine from work has an uncle that owns a resort in Belize, and I was looking at pictures down there. Beautiful. I don’t dive, but I think I would want to learn if I were there. Plus there is a bar that is in an actual shipwreck, which would be a cool place to go. I’m making a lot more money since I’ve gone to the weekend program, so I think we may be able to save enough money to go one of these days. Either Shane is going to have to suck it up and fly, or I’m going with a friend…. I thought about going with my mom…. that would be a good time. Regarding Mesquite: housing prices there are SO cheap. If we buy, we have to buy there. Plus, Dallas is such a kick-ass place and I miss it something fierce.

4. I need to go shopping. Matter of fact, I’m going to go do that right now.

I’m done with this blog.

I’m not going to be a drama queen about it, I just have my reasons.

I do blog nearly every day on MySpace (www.myspace.com/valeriewk) although I’ve had to make that private as well. Friend request me if you want to read… although most of you are already friends.

I have a few things to be thankful for, but it isn’t really appropriate to thank Jesus for them, because some of them aren’t exactly… nice. So here goes. I guess I’m just generally thankful to whatever wants to listen.

 Thank you for giving me enough brains to know that I’m not that smart.

Thank you for giving me the realization that I am a mother, and I need to act like a grown-ass woman.

Thank you for keeping those PTA moms away from me at Math Night tonight. I don’t like those hags.

Thank you for making me a night-time person.

Thank you for helping me to get that bad, bad person out of my life.

Thank you for inspiring my husband to drink more tequila. He’s so much easier to get along with.

Thank you for a husband who knows I’m joking.

Thank you for friends that are not stupid.

Thank you for my stupid friends.

Thank you for theatre, music, and the arts.

Thank you for my job.

Now some things I would like to ask for:

Please help me get skinnier. (As a side note: I am now eating lots of carrots… soaked in jalepeno juice for like, three days. They’re good that way… almost as good as milkshake)

Please help mothers to realize they are, in fact, grown-ass women and need to act as such.

Please make Shane realize that Lawton sucks ass, and we really, really don’t need to go back there, ever.

Please clean my bathroom.

While you’re at it, please clean my entire house.

Please help my sister to hold that baby until I can get there.

Please help that baby once it comes out.

Please get some good writers for the WWE. This crap is bad.

Please, someone, go torture the PAC-10 refs.

Please render Kevin Federline deaf and dumb sometime before he tries it again.

Please help George Bush.

OK, I think I’m good for now.

I curse too much. I am a hypochrondriac. I eat a lot of junk food. I am daydreaming when you are talking to me. I’m not fond of many people. I’m easily amused, and even more easily bored.

That last reason is why I’ve let the blog fall off these days. I’m just bored of it. I will log on with so much to say, and by the time I’ve typed one paragraph, I’m already ready to move on to the next subject. Staying focused on one issue is quite a hassle, and so I delete more blogs than I post because I have deemed them too flighty. You see, I am already bored of this one.

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J. called Becca yesterday. It was the first time since she got back from the summer that he called. She didn’t talk to him that long, and ended up talking to her stepmother for most of the call. I have a lot of things I could say about this, but I won’t. I’m going to narrow it down to one thing: I think Bec’s stepmom really does care about what Rebecca is doing, and I appreciate that. I can’t say as much about J.

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For those of you unaware, I am lactating. It’s the funniest thing ever, and came out of nowhere with no reason.

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I’m not as chubby as I thought I was. I went to the doc yesterday and got on the dreaded scale. Ends up, I’m ABOUT 15 pounds lighter than I had guessed. I love it when I overestimate my weight, because it feels like I just lost a lot all the sudden. Now if I could lose about 20 more, I would be smashing.

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I’ve found a new love: Yak. Isn’t that a sweet animal? I’ve not determined what it is actually used for. Shane says they pull plows… but I thought that was all tractor-done these days.. plus an Ox and a Yak are not the same thing. Oxen plow fields. It’s like a giant cow with a lot of dreadlocks. What’s not to love?

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I read my butt off this summer, and now I can’t seem to finish this book. It’s a good one, I’m just tired of reading so much. I’m tired of a lot of things.

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I’m tired of this.

I’ve been on quite the reading kick here lately, since television really has become one giant waste of time (at least for another 19 days). On that subject: did anyone watch the VMA’s? I most certainly did not, but I did catch some performances on YouTube, and I must say that Christina Aguilera can sing her ass off…. but that is not the subject at hand, so I digress.

I just started a book called A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I’m on page 35, and it is already one of the most poignant things I’ve ever read. The title is quite presumptuous, and the author does poke fun at that in the acknowledgements section (which is great). It is a memoir loosely based on real life happenings to Dave Eggers as both his parents die from cancer and he is left to raise his seven year old brother. Like I said, I’m only 35 pages into it, and I’ve already laughed and cried. The guy wasted no time. I’ve came to realize that it is not really the story in a book that is so important, it is the way the story is told. This is a well-told story.

Now, in other news: Rebecca is moving up a grade for the reading portions of her class, because she is so far ahead. She must take after me.  I’m also considering taking a school-board position, because there is one vacant at her school. I’m debating on whether I have enough time, or even want the responsibility. I’m getting myself into a lot of things, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to multi-task enough. I really do believe myself to have ADHD or something, being that I want to run off into seven different directions and fill up every possible second of my schedule. If I’m not working, I’m volunteering, at some meeting, at a football game, or at the gym. I think that at the heart of it, I feel quite useless. I don’t like sitting. I would rather be out doing something productive I guess. I used to sleep all the time, but since I’m getting older, I rarely sleep more than six hours a night…. I figure I can sleep when I’m thirty.

It’s time for some college football!! I have Notre Dame to win it all this year, and I would have had Oklahoma.. but our quarterback is an idiot who is now being made to sit on the bench at none other than the world-famous Sam Houston State University. Good job Rhett. Good job, you drunk, stupid, rich-boy idiot. Strong work.  

If you want to babysit my daughter, do not e-mail me from fantasygrrl69@yahoo.com

Bad idea. You will not be the chosen one. I do not want orgies in my living room while my daughter is sleeping in the back. I am a mother, I am not into my babysitters liking the number 69. I want an email from “gr8bbysttr” maybe… or maybe just a simple name will do.

So I’ve gotten added to the weekend program at work. I’ll be working every weekend (in case you couldn’t figure that out by the name). This is a plus because they’ll pay me a lot more to do it, but it also sucks because I’ll be missing most of ShannieMan’s football games. Overall I guess it’s worth it, but I want to be the supportive wife, not the wife who had to work. My plan is to put 10,000 in savings this year, pay off all our debt (besides student loans… Shane has a student loan debt equal to the federal deficit… we actually have a ticker on Wall Street), and buy a house by this time next year.

The problem is, he’s a football coach. I don’t know where we’ll be living in a year… so I sure as crap don’t know where to buy a house. I joined the YMCA (yeah, I sing Village People every time I go in) and there are these houses across the street that are beautiful. They’re way more space than we need, bigger than the house we’re in now (and we have a whole formal living room in this one with no furniture), but the price is excellent for the space and location, and we can expand the ‘ole family to fit, right? I hear the housing market in Phx is falling, so maybe they’ll be even more affordable next year. We’ll see.

Speaking of having a formal living room with no furniture… I don’t need a formal living room. Formal living rooms are stupid, especially for people who are not formal. Any ideas? My favorite is a game room.. but games cost a lot of money. My second idea was a reading room, which would be cool… but I don’t have that many books. I really would like to make it a playroom because Bec’s room can’t hold all of her crap.. but it opens into the living room and I’m OCD about toys being in view… maybe we could put up a door? The other problem would be that if we get pregnant, our current office will have to move to the room next to the empty room, meaning the office and playroom will be virtually the same room.. and we know that won’t work. I wish I could put up a disco ball and make it a DANCE room. I would dance my ass off all day if I had one of those.

I do miss my family… so maybe we won’t stay out here at all. ShannieMan has a fabulous job, but I’m sure he could get an even fabulous-er one in north Texas… and I could live closer to Deb and Mike (not too close, within about three hours or so.. they drive me insane when they live closer than two hours away).

I wish we could just stay in the house we are in now and have my parents move to…. Flagstaff. Perfect.

I’m rambling now… Ohhhh I’m so sore from pumping iron for the past few days… these BBguns are going to grow into Bazookas before you know it.

PS: I think I might quit this blog, since I’m double-posting now on MySpace… I don’t know. This one seems pointless, considering about two people read it.

I’m making my debut at the gym today. My ass has just gotten too big, and I don’t see a way around it (the gym… or my ass). I know that losing weight takes a lifestyle change, but I’ve just never been able to do that. I’m the “point break” type of girl. I’ll let it grow… and grow… and then I hit a certain weight, and I work my ass off until I’m down again. So now I begin the cardio M/W/F and weights T/Th/Sat. My ass has had enough.

I keep getting these grand ideas… when we got married, I thought that if I got off birth control my weight would automatically shrink back down to what it was pre-birth control (bout 115, and that’s after a baby). It didn’t happen. Not even a few pounds. Nothing came off. Probably because I was still shoving brownies down my face.

Then I thought that quitting smoking was the problem, because after I quit I added another 10 pounds. I heavily weighed (no pun, really) starting smoking again.. and I decided that fat-assedness is a better way to die than lung-cancerness. I’ve seen both. Then I thought about smoking meth for a brief second, just because all those bitches who do it have tiny little petite asses… but no teeth, and are refferred to as “crack whores.” Don’t go dialing CPS just yet… I was kidding.

So then I thought about lipo, and that was out quick because I can’t afford it just yet. Plus I’m not done having babies, and you really need to be done having babies before you go get nip/tucked.

I can’t diet. I just can’t. I can cut back on shoving crap into my mouth, but I’ve never been one to restrain myself from the occassional (here lately frequent) brownie. I’m making an effort to eat healthier in the form of home-cooked meals, but that’s as far as I’m going to be able to go. One time I heard a fat girl say the following: “Skinny girls just bitchy ’cause they hungry!” I believe she’s right. Ohhh I would love to be one of those skinny-bitchy girls.

So now I’m at the point where I need to drop about 30 pounds. I’m tired of my clothes not fitting right, I’m tired of being out of breath when I have to run to a code, I’m tired of being tired all the time. So I went to the YMCA to enroll Bec in swimming classes… and I fell in love (if you want to call it that) with their weight room. It’s huge. And none of the people in there were those body-builder-sweat-all-over-everything types. Mostly women with kids. My kind of place. So now, while Becca is swimming with Coach Tim (who can’t be but 18, but is quite a looker… shhhh… you still need’nt call CPS) I’ll be swimming laps. While I’m lifting, she’ll be in the kids room. I know I’ll feel soooo much better… but I need an Ipod.

Really. How can you work out to music you hate? I have to get one. I need music to motivate me. All in all, this new booty I’m going to get is costing me a lot of money. It had better be worth it.

I feel myself obtaining a little more wisdom as the years pass. It’s only in the very recent times that I’ve been able to step back and form opinions that are not based on raw emotion, but on facts presented. I feel like I’ve only just been able to really observe without getting involved, and this has become one of my favorite pasttimes.

I’ve always been interested in people, namely making fun of them. For the brief moment that I was not a nursing major, I decided to major in sociology. I love studying human behavior, especially when it involves groups of people. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend, and I’m not sure if I’ve just noticed it because I started to pay attention, or if it just started happening….

People have forgotten that they are not why the world revolves every day. There is a sense of entitlement to everything, and I’ll be the first to admit that I am just as guilty as every other Steve Brunner our there. I curse when a car drives too slowly in the carpool lane. I get pissed off when I have to wait an hour past my scheduled appointment for anything, and I think that businesses should be open whenever and wherever I need them…. but I know that there are other people involved in these situations and they don’t deserve to be berated, abused, or shot.

Working in a hospital, I see the worst of it. When I am taking care of a child that cannot breathe, I have people out in the hall glaring at me because I haven’t given them a blanket. When a little old lady with a heart attack comes in and gets treated, the guy with a toothache treats me like shit because I can’t do the same for him. I’m sick of this entitlement. Just sick.

I want people to realize that lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

I want people to drive considerately, and use a turn signal.

I want people to quit shooting people because they aren’t going fast enough.

I want people to shut the hell up.

I want people to stop playing the race card. You aren’t stuck in the waiting room because you are a mexican, you are stuck in the waiting room because you are an idiot and don’t need to be here.

I want people to realize that the world will be perfectly fine without them.

I would love it if people could think logically.

I wish people knew that my world doesn’t revolve around them.

I want people to wait their turn.

I want someone to open a door for someone else… to hold the elevator instead of pretending not to see the other guy.

I want people to apologize when they screw up.

I wish that no one would ever demand an apology.

Where do people get off being so self-important? Why is it such a hassle to just be nice?

When I was younger, I enjoyed smoking pot every now and then, even with the mass paranoia that would ensue. I would habitually dump Visine into my eyes, and every car that was behind me was obviously my mother, who could smell pot from several miles away. I couldn’t be around men when I was stoned, because I was so very afraid they were all serial killers, due to rape/slaughter/dice up/eat their next victim. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, or even come within six feet of me. The cops knew I was high, my mom knew I was high, and every person with a penis knew I was an easy target, defenseless and stoned. This paranoia was probably the biggest reason I quit smoking pot back then.

Now I’m finding myself to be paranoid even without the weed. Granted, it isn’t nearly as bad… but it’s still there, and it gives me a headache. Shane doesn’t help matters, as he has me convinced that cars are going to follow me home from work, come into my garage, and murder myself and my family… and it’ll be all my fault dammit. You see, this baseline rapist/shooter guy is roaming the streets, and there is also another serial shooter that has hit about sixteen people so far. I didn’t know living in a big city would occupy so much of my time. In the small towns, the most I had to worry about was mom finding out, or a cop coming in and….. well… telling my mom.

Getting off work at three in the morning doesn’t help matters. Shane insists that I have security walk to my car, but if you saw security, you would see that they are more creepy than just going it alone. I know that no woman who was ever attacked thought that she would be the next one. No one has ever walked to their car fully expecting to be raped and killed. It doesn’t work that way.

And to top it off, I don’t have a cell phone, don’t like guns, and my pepper spray bottle is empty. My chief weapon is my car keys and fingernails, if not to just scratch the guy and get a little DNA to aid in the solving of my murder case. I don’t even have one of those panic alarm buttons on my car…but really, when you hear a car alarm, do you really suspect that someone is being murdered? No, you suspect that they are a jackass that needs to turn off their car alarm.

So after realizing that I was defenseless and stupid, I decided to take the destiny approach. I’ve never been one to be scared of dying, being that my father was a gravedigger and I am an ER nurse. Dying doesn’t scare me… so if I’m destined to die by serial killing… at least that would be a memorable way to be wiped out. Granted, it would probably hurt a hell of a lot more than an aneurysm, but I would be remembered as The Girl Who Was Murdered. If it’s my time to go, then it’s my time to go.

So I was peaceful for a few days. Then I realized that dying would suck because I have a kid to raise and I’m not old enough to be digested by worms just yet. So I thought about taking a self defense class. There really is no self defense when you are dealing with a Guy With A Gun… so that plan was out as well.

I guess I’ll just stick with hoping he doesn’t prefer parking garages and nursing staff… or brunettes.

1. Have you ever gone muddin’?
many a time

2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
Most of my life I did.

3. Ever been swimming in a lake or river? Brazos River, Arrowhead Lake, and Jacksboro lake if there weren’t snakes friggin everywhere.

4. Ever been to a bonfire party? My high school did them once a year for homecoming. Good times.

5. Have you ever driven a tractor? yes… as well as a backhoe, a front-end loader, an industrial lawnmower, and a ditch witch.

6. Have you ever been on a horse?
Oh yeah. Good times as well.

7. Ford or Chevy? Chevy. No questions

8. Kissed someone in a pick up? I’ve done a lot of things in a pick-up, kissing would be one of them.

9. Whats your favorite country song? of all time? For partying or for serious? I would say overall, Family Tradition by Hank Junior. I’m also a big fan of Johnny Cash and George Strait.

10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road? No. That would be stupid, because you would most likely die. It’s hard to drive 40 mph.

11. Worked / Lived on a farm? we had two cows… does that count?

12. Been to a rodeo? In high school I went to about 2-3 a year, I’ve been several times since.

13. Do you own cowboy boots? sure do. Black lace-up ones. I’m not sure where they are though… I think my sister stole them.

14. Do you have a cowboy hat? Two of them.

15. Have you ever said git r done? I’m married to Shane. Of course I have.

16. Country skyline or a city skyline? you know, I’m still a fan of the city. Growing up in a country-ass place isn’t what it seems.

17. Can you name a rodeo star? I can name several.

18. Do you think tractors are sexy? No, they’re dirty.

19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler? We owned like, three. That was good times, until I took my baby cousin into a precarious situation. I got in trouble for that one.

20. Are you from the country? J HOLE

21. If so, are you proud of it? Sure am. But I wouldn’t go back.

22. Gone hunting? Deer, quail, hog.

23. Gone fishing? shit yes. this might be my favorite thing of all time to do.

24. Is your heart in dixie? Texas is more like it.

25. Been on a hay ride? yes, and I won’t allow my daughter to ever go on one. I know what happens….

26. Have you ever line danced? Yeah I still do. Fun stuff.

27. Camped under the stars? Also one of my favorite things to do.

28. Have you ever been cow tippin? I tried to find some cows to tip, but there weren’t any, so we tipped a car instead.

29. Do you drive a pick up truck? No… I used to drive a Blazer though, that piece of crap.

30. Fell asleep in a hay stack? No it itches too much to sleep.

31. Own a pair of overalls? still do. Dickies and Old Navy.

32. Drank Moonshine? yeah my friends Grandpa brewed it in a shed.

33. Include the word “yonder” in your daily vocabulary? Still do. Out yonder, over yonder.

34. Ever shoveled manure? No.

35. Milked a cow? Haven’t done that either. Always wanted to though.

36. Plucked a chicken? sick.

7. Is sweet tea your favorite drink? Non-alcoholic, yes.

38. Been to a race? car, horse, drag, foot.

39. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song? Do you know me at all? Then you know the answer to this one.

40.Have you ever made out in a back of a pick-up? like I said, I’ve done a lot in a pick-up.