“I am not young enough to know everything”

I feel myself obtaining a little more wisdom as the years pass. It’s only in the very recent times that I’ve been able to step back and form opinions that are not based on raw emotion, but on facts presented. I feel like I’ve only just been able to really observe without getting involved, and this has become one of my favorite pasttimes.

I’ve always been interested in people, namely making fun of them. For the brief moment that I was not a nursing major, I decided to major in sociology. I love studying human behavior, especially when it involves groups of people. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend, and I’m not sure if I’ve just noticed it because I started to pay attention, or if it just started happening….

People have forgotten that they are not why the world revolves every day. There is a sense of entitlement to everything, and I’ll be the first to admit that I am just as guilty as every other Steve Brunner our there. I curse when a car drives too slowly in the carpool lane. I get pissed off when I have to wait an hour past my scheduled appointment for anything, and I think that businesses should be open whenever and wherever I need them…. but I know that there are other people involved in these situations and they don’t deserve to be berated, abused, or shot.

Working in a hospital, I see the worst of it. When I am taking care of a child that cannot breathe, I have people out in the hall glaring at me because I haven’t given them a blanket. When a little old lady with a heart attack comes in and gets treated, the guy with a toothache treats me like shit because I can’t do the same for him. I’m sick of this entitlement. Just sick.

I want people to realize that lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

I want people to drive considerately, and use a turn signal.

I want people to quit shooting people because they aren’t going fast enough.

I want people to shut the hell up.

I want people to stop playing the race card. You aren’t stuck in the waiting room because you are a mexican, you are stuck in the waiting room because you are an idiot and don’t need to be here.

I want people to realize that the world will be perfectly fine without them.

I would love it if people could think logically.

I wish people knew that my world doesn’t revolve around them.

I want people to wait their turn.

I want someone to open a door for someone else… to hold the elevator instead of pretending not to see the other guy.

I want people to apologize when they screw up.

I wish that no one would ever demand an apology.

Where do people get off being so self-important? Why is it such a hassle to just be nice?

When I was younger, I enjoyed smoking pot every now and then, even with the mass paranoia that would ensue. I would habitually dump Visine into my eyes, and every car that was behind me was obviously my mother, who could smell pot from several miles away. I couldn’t be around men when I was stoned, because I was so very afraid they were all serial killers, due to rape/slaughter/dice up/eat their next victim. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, or even come within six feet of me. The cops knew I was high, my mom knew I was high, and every person with a penis knew I was an easy target, defenseless and stoned. This paranoia was probably the biggest reason I quit smoking pot back then.

Now I’m finding myself to be paranoid even without the weed. Granted, it isn’t nearly as bad… but it’s still there, and it gives me a headache. Shane doesn’t help matters, as he has me convinced that cars are going to follow me home from work, come into my garage, and murder myself and my family… and it’ll be all my fault dammit. You see, this baseline rapist/shooter guy is roaming the streets, and there is also another serial shooter that has hit about sixteen people so far. I didn’t know living in a big city would occupy so much of my time. In the small towns, the most I had to worry about was mom finding out, or a cop coming in and….. well… telling my mom.

Getting off work at three in the morning doesn’t help matters. Shane insists that I have security walk to my car, but if you saw security, you would see that they are more creepy than just going it alone. I know that no woman who was ever attacked thought that she would be the next one. No one has ever walked to their car fully expecting to be raped and killed. It doesn’t work that way.

And to top it off, I don’t have a cell phone, don’t like guns, and my pepper spray bottle is empty. My chief weapon is my car keys and fingernails, if not to just scratch the guy and get a little DNA to aid in the solving of my murder case. I don’t even have one of those panic alarm buttons on my car…but really, when you hear a car alarm, do you really suspect that someone is being murdered? No, you suspect that they are a jackass that needs to turn off their car alarm.

So after realizing that I was defenseless and stupid, I decided to take the destiny approach. I’ve never been one to be scared of dying, being that my father was a gravedigger and I am an ER nurse. Dying doesn’t scare me… so if I’m destined to die by serial killing… at least that would be a memorable way to be wiped out. Granted, it would probably hurt a hell of a lot more than an aneurysm, but I would be remembered as The Girl Who Was Murdered. If it’s my time to go, then it’s my time to go.

So I was peaceful for a few days. Then I realized that dying would suck because I have a kid to raise and I’m not old enough to be digested by worms just yet. So I thought about taking a self defense class. There really is no self defense when you are dealing with a Guy With A Gun… so that plan was out as well.

I guess I’ll just stick with hoping he doesn’t prefer parking garages and nursing staff… or brunettes.

1. Have you ever gone muddin’?
many a time

2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
Most of my life I did.

3. Ever been swimming in a lake or river? Brazos River, Arrowhead Lake, and Jacksboro lake if there weren’t snakes friggin everywhere.

4. Ever been to a bonfire party? My high school did them once a year for homecoming. Good times.

5. Have you ever driven a tractor? yes… as well as a backhoe, a front-end loader, an industrial lawnmower, and a ditch witch.

6. Have you ever been on a horse?
Oh yeah. Good times as well.

7. Ford or Chevy? Chevy. No questions

8. Kissed someone in a pick up? I’ve done a lot of things in a pick-up, kissing would be one of them.

9. Whats your favorite country song? of all time? For partying or for serious? I would say overall, Family Tradition by Hank Junior. I’m also a big fan of Johnny Cash and George Strait.

10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road? No. That would be stupid, because you would most likely die. It’s hard to drive 40 mph.

11. Worked / Lived on a farm? we had two cows… does that count?

12. Been to a rodeo? In high school I went to about 2-3 a year, I’ve been several times since.

13. Do you own cowboy boots? sure do. Black lace-up ones. I’m not sure where they are though… I think my sister stole them.

14. Do you have a cowboy hat? Two of them.

15. Have you ever said git r done? I’m married to Shane. Of course I have.

16. Country skyline or a city skyline? you know, I’m still a fan of the city. Growing up in a country-ass place isn’t what it seems.

17. Can you name a rodeo star? I can name several.

18. Do you think tractors are sexy? No, they’re dirty.

19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler? We owned like, three. That was good times, until I took my baby cousin into a precarious situation. I got in trouble for that one.

20. Are you from the country? J HOLE

21. If so, are you proud of it? Sure am. But I wouldn’t go back.

22. Gone hunting? Deer, quail, hog.

23. Gone fishing? shit yes. this might be my favorite thing of all time to do.

24. Is your heart in dixie? Texas is more like it.

25. Been on a hay ride? yes, and I won’t allow my daughter to ever go on one. I know what happens….

26. Have you ever line danced? Yeah I still do. Fun stuff.

27. Camped under the stars? Also one of my favorite things to do.

28. Have you ever been cow tippin? I tried to find some cows to tip, but there weren’t any, so we tipped a car instead.

29. Do you drive a pick up truck? No… I used to drive a Blazer though, that piece of crap.

30. Fell asleep in a hay stack? No it itches too much to sleep.

31. Own a pair of overalls? still do. Dickies and Old Navy.

32. Drank Moonshine? yeah my friends Grandpa brewed it in a shed.

33. Include the word “yonder” in your daily vocabulary? Still do. Out yonder, over yonder.

34. Ever shoveled manure? No.

35. Milked a cow? Haven’t done that either. Always wanted to though.

36. Plucked a chicken? sick.

7. Is sweet tea your favorite drink? Non-alcoholic, yes.

38. Been to a race? car, horse, drag, foot.

39. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song? Do you know me at all? Then you know the answer to this one.

40.Have you ever made out in a back of a pick-up? like I said, I’ve done a lot in a pick-up.