No monkey is cool. Since elementary school, I’ve had a fear/hatred of monkeys. All kinds. Gorillas are monkeys. Chimpanzees and red-asses are all monkeys to me. If it’s a primate, it’s a monkey, and I despise it.
One fateful day, my family ventured to the zoo. My grandmother (“granny,” I like to call her) and I ventured into a building with lots of large glass cases. We walked through and at one particular display, discovered a lone gorilla type of monkey. Luckily, there was a big glass pane between us and the monkey, because on that day, it was horribly disgruntled. Not only did the monkey give us the finger, but it tried to pee on us… and then laughed. I swear the evil bastard laughed at us. Like an obnoxious drunken frat boy, the monkey ingrained in my mind a picture… Since that day, I have had absolutely nothing to do with these evil creatures.
Some people just love the hell-animals. They keep them as pets, despite the fact that they are rather aggressive, and do possess more intelligence than most other animals. This is a dangerous mix. They may wear a cute diaper and eat with a spoon, but they also fling poo and screw up your house, along with biting visitors, and sometimes the owner. WHHHYYY????? Why do you own this thing??? I thought my boston terrier was bad. He doesn’t have thumbs, thank God.
So for all of you out there who hate monkeys as much as I, or for those of you who happen to be STUPID enough to think that they are “cute” and “special,” I bring you a true story. Please see the news story below.
HAVILAH, Calif. — Investigators said yesterday that they are trying to determine how two chimpanzees that attacked a couple visiting an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage.
The chimps chewed off St. James Davis’s nose and severely mauled his genitals and limbs Thursday before the son-in-law of the sanctuary’s owner shot and killed the animals, authorities said.
Davis, 62, and his wife had gone there to visit another chimp that had lived with them for decades before they were forced to give up the animal. LaDonna Davis, 64, was bitten on the hand.
”A big part of the investigation will be figuring out whether the [sanctuary] owners were in compliance with regulations,” said Hal Chealander, a Sheriff’s Department commander. ”There’s a reason why those chimpanzees got out. It will be crucial to our investigation how they got out.”
Health authorities were testing the dead chimps for rabies and other diseases.
The Davises were at Animal Haven Ranch, in a canyon 30 miles east of Bakersfield, to celebrate the birthday of Moe, a 39-year-old chimpanzee taken from their suburban Los Angeles home in 1999 after biting off part of a woman’s finger.
The couple had brought Moe a cake and were standing outside his cage when Buddy and Ollie, two of the four chimpanzees in the adjoining cage, attacked St. James Davis, said Steve Martarano, a spokesman for the state Department of Fish and Game. Moe was not involved in the attack.
The chimps chewed off most of Davis’s face and tore off his testicles and foot, Chealander said.
Davis was taken to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he had surgery. The hospital would not release information on his condition.
Primate specialists say chimpanzees, which typically weigh 120 to 150 pounds and are much stronger than most humans, are known to kill chimps from neighboring groups, hunt other primates, even attack humans in the wild.
”This episode highlights some of the dangers of privately owning primates,” said Steve Schapiro, who studies chimpanzee behavior at the University of Texas. ”When you maintain large, strong animals in captivity, you think you know what they’re going to do, but in the end they’re unpredictable.”
This happened on March 5. The guy just got out of the hospital TODAY. The only one worth not putting in the bag would be the son-in-law, who had at least some brain function, telling him to SHOOT THE MONKEYS. Good.
PETA can bite my ass on this one (ironic, seeing as this guys ass has already been bitten). This isn’t the first attack, and won’t be the last. A six year old was mauled in New York… a man and his wife were bitten repeatedly… many attacks in the jungle… etc.
Look at his teeth. Just look.
Monkeys are EVIL. Have a good day.
